Splatter

Google Map Adventures

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 10:06:10 -0500

I’ll be honest: I like randomly wandering the streets of my city via Google Maps. Firstly, I kinda love my city and I enjoy triggering memories of my many actual wanderings therein. Secondly, since the street level shots of Toronto were done during the summer, I find it has an almost placebo effect on my mood. To virtually walk the city on a sunny day, whilst actually sitting in my apartment in January, seems to brighten my mood.

I was virtually wandering downtown when I cam across an image that made me love my city just a bit more. Here is the link to the image. I’ve also included it as a pic above. In this picture you can clearly see a group of folks helping someone. The body language is so intimate. The concern of the poses is clear.

Not nearly as amusing as this image I found, but way more heartening.

Out Of Order

Sun, 24 May 2009 19:47:44 -0400

I love performing. The play I am in right now only requires some stage fighting and moaning, but I love it. I even like the bruises, because they prove I did something. What does that say about me? I love the pretend conflict and the faked emotion. I know it's just a silly filler zombie part, but it thrills me.

And then it stops and I am in a room full of folks and I want to be there too, but I'm not.

And it opens up a door to all those feelings. A mood disorder. Out of order. What are the correct emotions to feel? Who determined them? Is it all right to feel them out of order? To feel solitary while surrounded by people? Even people with whom I should fit? Aren't we, all of us, square pegs? Still, they seem so comparatively well assembled. Mood ordered. Even the ones who say they aren't. Even the ones who evidence it. So what does it mean, then? My perceptions are wrong? My loneliness is innate? I am not allowed to escape myself, but staying in myself is seldom comfortable. So I am still and I do and accomplish nothing because activity places me in situations that show how out of order I am.

And I'll shut up now.

Monkeys, Monsters, Spacemen

Fri, 22 May 2009 12:55:30 -0400

Well, my life has been busy as of late with a most delightful project. I am a zombie. Well, I am zombie-esque. there are a litany of reasons that I am not actually a zombie, but the important thing is that I walk like a zombie and eat brains like a zombie. Although I’m kinda short. So i mostly nibble shoulders.

What does all this mean?

I am in a play called Dead Man’s Party. It’s part of Monkey Sci-Fi Horror Theatre.

It’s made me wonder why I have been absent from theatre so long. Of course, there are many reasons, all valid and I won’t bore you with them here. But it has sparked a bit of a longing for actual lines. Right now I mostly moan. But they are impressive moans. If you want to see (or rather hear) them, here’s the info:

May 22-23 and 29-30, 2009
Fridays at 8pm, Saturdays at 8pm & 11pm!

Imperial Pub, 54 Dundas St. East, Toronto
(near Yonge / Dundas Square)

Tickets $10 (cash only, please)
Reservations: 416-737-1267
or email with date / show time / # of tix needed

Barenaked Meme

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 19:51:59 -0400

Using ONLY SONG TITLES from ONE artist, cleverly answer these questions:

Pick a band/artist: The Barenaked Ladies

1. Are you a male or female: I'll Be That Girl
2. Describe yourself: Just a Toy
3. How do you feel about yourself: Unfinished
4. Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend: Alternative Girlfriend
5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: What a Good Boy
6. Describe your current location: Hello City
7. Describe where you want to be: Shopping
8. Your best friend is: My Big Sister
9. Your favourite colour is: La La La La Lemon
10. What’s the weather like: Hidden Sun
11. If your life was a television show what would it be called?: Why Say Anything Nice?
12. What is life to you: The Humour of the Situation
13. What is the best advice you have to give: Take It Outside
14. If you could change your name what would you change it to: Maybe Katie
15. If there was a drink named after you, it would be called: Pollywog in a Bog
16. Describe your first car: Something You'll Never Find
17. In the morning: Light up My Room
18. At night: When You Dream
19. Describe your sex life: Fun & Games
20. My theme song would be: Off the Hook

25 Random Things Meme

Thu, 5 Feb 2009 14:00:43 -0500

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

25 things? It seems like a lot of things. I don't know. What is there to know? It's not like I'm a closed book, or subtle, or anything like that. I haven't really...

Whatever.

1. I am afraid of the phone. Not an overwhelming phobia, just a pit of the stomach ache whenever it rings. I hate that thing.

2. Everything should be arranged and labeled. I own more than one label maker.

3. I don't really get visual art. There, I said it.

4. Once, when I was about 7, I was walking home from school and I noticed a kid following me. They were really young and they wouldn't stop following me. I was sure that people would think that I had kidnapped them or something, so I ran away.

5. I have trouble keeping friends. I moved a lot and had to abandon so many friendships that it has become too easy for me to break ties and disappear. I think that everyone else in the world has a best friend, but I'm just sorta the permanent third thumb. Not in a bad, sad, bitter way. More in an honest, accepting sort of way.

6. I often think: "There but for the grace of Graeme go I."

7. I dread things for no good reason.

8. I find it very hard to like people with money, no matter how nice they are. I'm getting better at it, but it's a pretty heavy prejudice.

9. I grind my teeth so hard when I sleep that I have broken through quite a few bite plates.

10. I love my jobs.

11. I think I have really nice boobs. I also think I'm running out of ideas.

12. I believe that there must be some nefarious reason for these things and it has to do with information gathering...

13. When I was a teenager, I believed I would go to hell for saying "jesus christ." But I trained myself to say it, because it was becoming abundantly clear that there were a lot of fairy tales I did not want to believe anymore.

14. People who know me from different stages of my life could probably describe me to each other and none of them would recognize me.

15. I don't really like nature or animals or woods or any of that stuff. Except water. I could live in the water. I could swim in the ocean every day. Also, I kinda dig my hamster.

16. This is a form of procrastinating, which I am great at.

17. Um....I like coffee? Chocolate is good? How are people doing this??? I am so out of things to say.

18. I am still bitter about not being one of the guys (you know who you are...)

19. I like to make things.

20. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with all things pioneer.

21. I never had a good nickname my entire life, until the kid I nanny started calling me Howie. I frickin' love that!

22....

I can't think of anything else. Everything else is either too personal, too glib or not to be discussed in mixed company.

Other people can do my last four.

Ring The Alarm

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 19:39:03 -0500

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
That I Would Be Good
Take out the "I" and that makes sense.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head
So true...

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
I'm With You
That works for me.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
When You Believe
Umm??

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Smells Like Funk
I don't even wanna know.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Independent Women (Part 1)
Pretty close to right.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
My Love Is Your Love
Yep. But not my coffee. That's mine.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
If I Ain't Got You
That's silly.

WHAT IS 2+2?
One Week
That's even sillier.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Birdhouse In Your Soul
Awww...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
As Long As You Love Me
Aaaaawwwwwww...

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!)
He he he.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
My Girlfriend, Who Lives in Canada
Wait...I am that.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
What You Waiting For?
Awesome.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Oddly correct, I fathom.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Because of You
That's not even a little Star Warsy.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
It's Gonna Be Me
Well I hope so. Otherwise there was a mix-up at the crematorium.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Numb
Well then.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
What's My Age Again?
Haaaa ha ha ha.

WHATS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Polar
Yes. That would suck. ??

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Good Vibrations
Best. Answer. Ever.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Lucky
I regret being lucky? That I'm not lucky? This answer is so non-specific.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
What About Us?
Insecure people. I laugh at 'em.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Close Your Eyes (Buffy/Angel Love Theme)
That's actually true and I am very, very lame.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Lose Yourself
Another noggin scratcher.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
No Diggity
I would be scared if I lacked diggity.

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Linus and Lucy
At least two people do...

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Catch My Disease
I would not catch Ben Lee's disease.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Defying Gravity
True dat.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Ring the Alarm
Sure. Why not

Birthday Bloggery

Wed, 6 Aug 2008 20:57:12 -0400

It's been quite the weekend. Most of you know that my birthday was on Saturday. Let's start there. I had an amazing time helping my friend Jess move from Rockville to Mimico. Oddly enough, it was a really fun way to spend a birthday. Lifting and moving heavy boxes and being so physical actually makes the body feel great. Plus her friend Paul made me a gluten-free apple tort and date poundcake. It was exciting to see their new place and I can't wait to go there for a karaoke party.

After moving, we went to my friend Vangy's place and played Grand Theft Auto IV. This was especially funny because we're not very good at it. She managed to perfect one move -- the Crouch. I mostly crashed into things. After that we played a movie quiz game which she completely owned. We had gluten-free pizza and Rain made an amazing chocolate cake.

Probably the best part was all the leftovers from this day. I lived off gluten-free sugar for the rest of the weekend.

One of my presents from Graeme was tickets to see the Broadway musical Avenue Q. If you haven't seen this, it's sort of like Sesame Street for grown-ups.

On Monday I went to Canada's Wonderland with my sister Suzy and her son Liam. It was a lot of fun, but I apparently don't have the same stomach for spinning rides that I used to have. The medieval barrel ride nearly made me upchuck lunch. I spent the whole time with my eyes squished almost closed, staring at a small white plastic fixture across from me. The whole time I was repeating to myself "just don't throw up, just don't throw up, just don't throw up." I still enjoyed the roller coasters and the general fair atmosphere. It was nice to get to hang out with Liam and to have some sister bonding time.

Finally, yesterday, I got together with some friends for dinner at the Pickle Barrel. I drank too many iced mochas and saw a friend I haven't seen in almost 5 years. There were only a few people willing to brave the rain to watch The Princess Bride on the big screen in Dundas Square, but it was actually quite beautiful. Even though it's my favorite film, I have never before seen it on a big screen. To see it in my favorite weather, rain, was even more meaningful.

Overall it was a jampacked weekend. Thanks everyone.

Later all,
Heather

Ignoring The World

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:09:44 -0400

Okay, so I haven't been on here in a super long time. I've been distracted by facebook. Also, I have some time off. This has not been common as of late. I've been busy with my regular nannying job, a column in Today's Parent, plus I'm still unpacking from our big move. Still, it's no excuse. Mostly, I am just lazy, and at times I'd like to cocoon myself into my tiny new apartment and disappear. Now that summer is here, I plan to see the out-of-doors much more. (And going to the park with the kids that I nanny doesn't count.)

So if I've been ignoring you, and you know who you are, take this as a reentry into the world of socializing. Of course I haven't written one of these in so long, that I will be surprised if anyone even notices I put it up.

What else is cool? Oh, I recorded a couple of songs for a Halloween album with my amazing buddy Ian. It was a rare experience and I really enjoyed being in the studio again. Even if the studio was in his apartment and my booth was his couch up on its side. Actually that kind of made it cooler. I could see his reactions in person, and the feedback was instantaneous. If was far more connected than when there was a room between us. I can't wait to let you all hear the songs. Let's just say it's a style I never expected to do. Also, I had a cold in the week leading up to it, so I sounds like a gutsy old blues singer or maybe Concrete Blonde.

Now I'm waiting for my big sister Johanna to get here so that we can go see my friend Bunny (not to be confused with Bunnyhero or Tybunny) perform live. She performs in a band with her siblings. I've never seen them before, which I have no good excuse for, since I dig the kind of music they do and they perform literally three blocks away from me. What can I say? I'm the world's busiest slacker. Okay later guys.

Hugs,
Heather

Critters

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 16:57:21 -0500

Okay, so I had my worries about living in a house. I was worried I wouldn’t feel secure. I was worried that I would have reversed vertigo, living so close to the ground – and even partway under it. I was worried that having windows that looked out on sidewalks instead of power lines would leave me without a sense of privacy.

None of these things turned out to be a major problem. I wasn’t expecting so many damned critters. I mean big, ugly, small, slimy critters. You pick a critter, we’ve had it. We had ants. Little tiny pharaoh ants. They are about the size of a kiwi seed. They travel in packs of a bajillion. They get into everything. They can happily nest between pieces of paper. A glass of water is enough food to attract a line of them up your table leg. In response, we’ve littered the house with ant traps.

Just as the ants seemed to disappear, we were inundated with silverfish. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a full-grown silverfish, but they look something like an extra large caterpillar with over a dozen creepy spider legs of different lengths growing out of their head and sides. Oh, and the babies look like tiny, mushy snakes. Also, they move at a rate of speed that must place them, comparatively, among the fastest species on the entire frickin’ planet. As if seeing them around, crawling in my bathtub and over my clean laundry weren’t enough, one of them decided to get up close and personal with me. I was sleeping peacefully, wrapped around my husband, when I was awoken by a strange sensation crawling up my spine. My natural reaction was to swat at it. It turns out that silverfish don’t crush, they explode. And what comes out of them is sticky, nasty, warm and disgusting. Glued into all of this flesh Jell-O where the aforementioned creepy spider legs. Needless to say, I leapt out of bed making horrible squeaking sounds. I’m not sure they were enough to wake up hubby, but I do recall some mumbles of comfort. In the morning, when I sought out the corpse that I had flicked down the side of the bed, I was greatly disturbed to discover that the silverfish had been at least the size of my pinky finger. Ew, frickin’ gross.

I didn’t think it could get much worse than the silverfish that squiggled up my spine in my sleep – and truthfully it didn’t. But it did get much larger and much louder. Since we’re in a basement, we sleep with a window cracked open to allow in the nice cool breeze. This had never been a problem until a few nights ago. Once again I was awoken in the store the night. This time by a disturbed trilling sound that seemed to come from somewhere in the bed covers. Once again, I leapt out of bed, shrieking. This time, thankfully, the creature was not in my bed, but just outside the window. There, tail at attention, little face squished against the screen, was a very horny black squirrel. It was making a sound that was a cross between a dolphin and a car alarm. This one actually woke up the hubby. He thought it was really funny that I was sitting on the floor, hiding from a squirrel. He didn’t think it was so funny the next night, when the squirrel brought back two friends. This time two of the squirrels were making little squirrel love while the third one once again pressed himself against our bedroom screen. They were all making the crazy squirrel sound. Hubby sat up in bed, and proceeded to shout out the window, “Bark! Bark!” I don’t mean that he made a dog sound; he actually said the word “Bark.”

If this keeps up, I’m going to have to start charging teeny tiny rent. Blech.

Later,
Heather

Moving Day

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:30:35 -0500

Well, I am sitting here in my gutted old apartment, wondering what's to come. There's still a few trips in Dad's pick-up to get the rest of the stuff over. I want to get it all done tomorrow, but that may be pipe-dreaming. Can I say...

All my friends are amazing! We had a steady stream of hard working people help us get an entire u-haul's worth of stuff from our fourth floor apartment to the new place. I can't imagine what we would have done without all of you! You guys are amazing!!!

I am not sure whether I'm looking forward to unpacking or not, but I'm not gonna think about it for now. I'm so paranoid about living in a house. There is something so safe feeling about a box in the sky with just the one door. I mean, as long as you put a lot of locks on that one door, you're pretty safe, right? But a house? On the ground floor? With windows that look in? Eek. I'm not sure I know how to do it.

G and I decided to take this place because we want to see if I can live in a house before we buy one. We may just have to go Condo. It's a tough transition. Any advice on feeling safer??

Anyway, I am uber tired. I will post more later.
Loves,
Me.